Tuesday, February 04, 2003

Wacko Fiona

I had a meeting in Leighton Buzzard this morning (Linslade to be precise, but Leighton Buzzard makes it sound so much more glamorous). I engineered a 10am start which meant I didn’t need to leave the house until 9.30.

Y’see, I run ting.

Whilst drinking tea in bed, with Peanut the cat doing her very best to sit on my face, I was able to watch tyranny of Fiona Phillips GMTV analyise last night's Michael Jackson interview.

Funnily enough there are many similarities between Jacko and Fiona. Both are deluded that they are considerably younger than they really are. Jacko thinks he’s Peter Pan, Fiona thinks she’s twenty three. Both have cheek bones you can hang a suspension bridge off and both have views dictated and distorted wholly by the filter of the media. Fiona seems to think that Coronation Street is a reality TV series and that Hello magazine is a broad sheet newspaper pioneering investigative journalism.

The discussions centred on the 'sensation' of the documentary and the 'alarming revelations' it revealed. Are we really surprised that he’s 'horrified' at the child abuse allegations? Did you really expect him to go, “Well, he was very attractive, and y’know when you get caught up in the moment...” Fiona told us that many people had emailed in empathising with Jackson… Uh? People are emailing in saying empathising with the legendary emotionally and physically scarred billionaire who lives in a self made cocoon in California. Exactly how far does “Matt from Hull” really empathise with the “Michael from Neverland”?

Of the fact he lives in a world separate to the ‘real world’, the guest psychoanalyst asked what was really wrong with that. Fiona said "If we all did that there wouldn’t be a real world to live in." At which point I got a flip chart out and began a brainstorming session to figure out her logic.

Added to this, eagled eyed Fi spotted that one of his kids, Emperor Camel Chocolate Drops Jackson or whatever, had dyed blonde hair, and wore masks in public, tell tale signs of abuse. Except as The Wackster explained he’s terrified of kidnappers – a perfectly legit reasoning from my viewpoint.

Then, talking about Jacko’s penchant for sleeping in the same room as the children who visit his ranch, Eamonn Holmes asked: -

"Do you considered it normal for a man of 44 to do that"
"No" said Fiona
"Would you let Michael Jackson sleep in the same room as your daughter."
"I might."
"Would you let a 44 year old stranger sleep in the same room as your daughter."
"But you would let Michael Jackson, with his reputation, sleep in the same room as your daughter."
"I might."
“Because he’s the Peter Pan of Pop”


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