Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Plan A to take over the world

Sam works for British Airways so she had a busy weekend. She was drafted onto the frontline to try and help stranded passengers. There are, as you might expect, lots of stories of daftness, like the man who ‘just wanted his four cases’ so he could pop over to Gatwick to catch an alternative flight. It’s difficult to describe to someone what 60,000 suitcases look like and how difficult it might be to locate the said baggage.

Another man only flew BA because they never served peanuts thus preserving him from an allergic reaction. Apparently even the peanut vapours can cause problems to the most afflicted.

This got me thinking; peanut allergies are a new and growing phenomenon. Soon everyone will have it. I, on the other hand, do not have a peanut allergy; I could conceivably take over the world simply by eating peanuts and then threatening to destroy everyone with the vapours that emanate from my pours. With Peanuts only 49p a bag from Morrisons, I think it might be time to start stockpiling.

Now, where’s my cape?

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Fishy tale

Ken Fish died last week. He was an Oxford United legend and, fittingly, there was an impeccable minute’s silence before last night’s game against Torquay. A brief eulogy was read out before the crowd fell silent; I’m not sure it was meant to come out like this… but it did…

“Ken retired from playing football at the remarkable age of 72, after which, unfortunately he had to have both his legs amputated.”

Presumably they’d worn out or something.

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