Saturday, February 15, 2003

Caught by the fuzz

My driving 'thing' used to be accidents, a while back, I had three accidents in three years, though none were my fault. Honest.

The first one, I was driving through Thame and a council van pulled out from a junction straight into me. The second one was a year later, a truck ran into the back of me whilst I waited to turn right at a junction.

Under its plush exterior, my Renault 5 was held together with string and rust. Every bump required half the car to be rebuilt. So I had to shell out for the rust to be repaired, in order for the accident damage to be sorted out. Which didn't seem fair.

My third accident happened on a very bad day. I was driving home after Oxford had been beaten 7-1 at home by Birmingham. A Birmingham fan came onto a roundabout on my inside, and then tried to turn left, driving right through me. I was in the all Terrain Polo (ATP).

This began a long battle with my shitbag insurers Admiral. They got Doug Drewitt to do the repair work. The courtesy car I got as part of the deal got a flat tyre, and I found that I had an illegally bald spare. I asked Drewitt to make my car legal, they did, except when I picked up the ATP they put £60 on the bill. I said I wasn't supposed to be paying it. The receptionist, in what was not a rehearsed or threatening move. Phoned their workshop saying "the gentleman in reception has a dispute about his bill", two second later an oily gorrila holding a wrench came through to help me with my query.

Of course, I didn't read this as threatening, but suddenly I saw their side of the dispute. I paid for the repairs they did to the car they had supplied with the illegal tyres. When I questioned it with Admiral, they were deaf to my pleas. Well, for the sake of a £60 refund, I have taken well over £1000 in insurance premiums elsewhere.

On this evidence, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend Admiral and Doug Drewitt to take care of all your insurance and auto repair needs.

I thought I was destined to have an annual accident forevermore. But accidents aren't my 'Thing' anymore. Speeding is my driving thing. I've been done for the second time in just over a year. Both times I consider myself rather unfortunate. I'm not a mental driver, I'm no saint, but I'm quite placid, in fact I didn't overtake a single vehicle throughout any time I was learning (in fact, I once overran on a lesson following a tractor I was too scared to overtake).

The first time I was caught was on the Wendover by-pass, it has an inviting camber so even during rush hour it's possible to do over 60mph. I was driving to college for a meeting, the road was empty. I drove down and saw a beaten up van parked on the side of the road. hidden behind it was a camera. PING! I was done. A day later the government announced they were going to stop hiding speed cameras and give people more warning.

Last week I was going down the London Road in Wycombe, a road which has loads of 30 and 40mph speed limit zones. I got mixed up and ended up going 40 in a 30.

PING! they got me again.

On top of this, this morning I inadvertently did my first shoplift. I took a Tesco Online CD, which I thought was free, but actually has a cover price of 50p.

Book him Danno, Murder One.


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