Monday, February 17, 2003

It wasn't like that in the Cubs

Mike, Juliette's boyfriend, was on the stupid BBC2 reality show, SAS Jungle - Are You Tough Enough last night. Apparently this makes him one of the 24 fittest people in the country. In order to sort out who was tough enough to find our whether they were tough enough to do SAS jungle training in Borneo, the competitors had to run up Snowdonia twice whilst carrying a pack which was the equivalent of their own body weight. Which sounds pretty tough.

Mike got through. He was (and still is, it's not that tough) the Australian tennis coach with the cheeky grin. He made it to day 3 of the 16, which doesn't seem a lot, but six people still fell before he did.

Mike opened the show up by being told off by Sergeant Corporal Shoutalot, for grinning and laughing. It didn't seem fair, a. that was his normal face, and b. he's Australian, he's got a lot to laugh about. Following lots of generic shots of soldiers shouting and walking through rivers, he was then seen, through the benefit of night-sight cameras, close to tears because he'd been told off about a pencil. The big whoopsy.

It wasn't long before we saw him again, this time making noises like a bullfrog, retching bile and gas into the jungle flora. He was finally pulled out when his heart rate reached 200 bpm. some 80% faster than a fit person doing regular rigorous exercise. This was described by the Doctor as "Unsustainable" and at the same time something that "His body is quite capable of coping with". In other words, his heart could quite easily beat at 200bpm, the only consequence being that it would kill him.

Presenter Dermot O'Leary, evidently helicoptered in every morning, looking perma-buffed with a little knapsack of his sandwiches on his back, gave Mike his final interview. Mike stared vacantly at the floor and swayed. He mumbled something about having taken on board too much water causing his blood to thin. "Me mind is still sharp, but me body's gone" he said.


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