Monday, January 06, 2003

New Year revolution

In the past only once have I successfully sustained a New Year’s resolution. This, I guess is to be applauded as its one more than most people manage. Unfortunately it was a resolution to sit in a more camp, yet intelligent way. No more of your ‘groin out’ legs wide open for me, but a more insular, sensitive position with my legs crossed like a lady. This, I figure, will be good for when I want to sit outside coffee shops in a duffle coat and cords reading a small tatty second hand novel. I sit like it all the time, even at 5-a-side.

This year I had none planned, but over the period of the last five days I have adopted three to work on over the next twelve months.

Resolution number 1: Improved punctuality - I am not an inherently unpunctual person; I have never overslept for anything in my life. But I do tend to plan my journeys without allowing for delays. Most mornings I won’t leave the house until the absolute minute I’m scheduled to leave, even if that means watching a Pot Noodle advert in my coat. Subsequently I am usually not-quite-so-late-you-could-comment-on-it-late for everything. Instead I am going to leave for my destination when I’m ready and build in a little slack when planning my journeys. This resolution does not include appointments I have jointly with Emma, we are cripplingly late for everything I see no solution to that particular problem.

Resolution number 2: - Gregariousness - My family came late to the concept of cheek-kissing as a valid plutonic greeting, perhaps we thought it would make us pregnant. I have always been rather reticent towards the practice myself. It’s not helped by being tall, because that means descending for a greeting is far more of a sweeping and obvious movement than the simple tippy toes elevation of the average build or halfling. It’s a long way to travel if your intended target is planning a quick dash to safety through your legs. I have never been rebuffed from such a greeting, nor has anyone I know, so from now on I shall aim to have less reticence towards the whole cheek-kissing thing.

Don’t panic ladies, I don’t plan to start that whole overly physical “LOOK I’M WITH A REAL GIRL” type greeting, nor shall I become the salacious nasty who steadies his descent with a hand on the backside and a thumb in the g-string, pulling away with a snap on completion. Nope, I’m just going to be easier going about the whole thing. Beware.

Resolution number 3: - Eat fruit – Both my sisters have lost weight through the art of eating fruit. Watching Annia devour a table of dips, and yet still be a quarter of the size she was has proved to me that the consumption of fruit is absolutely the best way to get back to the shape I was a many years ago when I was largely irresistible to domesticated animals.

So there they are, watch me fail.


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