Saturday, March 03, 2007

That's the sound of violence

We live in a fractured society; we know this because David Cameron says so and he is Everyman. The recent spate of gangland shootings has lead to accusations that we've become a lawless society. This is nonsense, of course, violent gangs have been around since year dot. A vast majority of people in this country never see a gun let alone get killed by one. There are problems to be addressed, but we're not quite in the wild west despite what people tell you.

On Friday shortly after going to bed I heard a massive row going on outside. I got up and looked out the window. There was a group standing in the middle of the street having a massive shouting match - chavs, hoodies and, conveniently for the purposes of this story, one girl dressed predominantly in white (who we'll call 'White') and one in black (or 'Black').

Black was lead screamer; though everyone seemed to be involved. White was on the phone, which antagonised Black who side stepped the group and headed for White with the war cry - "So watcha gonna do nah? Call the facking cops you slag" - really, she did.

Black got to White, who seemed generally unaware of her oncoming assailant. Black swung a massive roundhouse forearm smash to White's head knocking her off balance. As White fell to the ground Black instinctively swung a knee and caught White in the head on the way down.

I closed the curtain just as Black and all the others ran off leaving White sitting in the road. It was like watching Britain's Worst ASBOs on widescreen high definition TV. Part of me felt we should go out and help, or phone the police, or more sensibily; go back to bed and hope nobody saw me.

My reaction to the fight caused Emma to get up and head downstairs, presumably to get a decent view of what was going on. I scratched around to know what to do next - then I heard more talking; perhaps the gang were back - perhaps they'd seen me and decided that they had to remove a witness. They couldn't be coming for me, could they?

I looked out the window (OK, I peeped out from behind the curtain). There was another group of chavs and hoodies; White was still in the road. With her was chav A, chav B, hoodie A, chav C, hoodie B, women in pyjamas, chav D and hoodie C.

Emma, barefooted and in her pyjamas, decided to go out to help. It turned out she had no idea how the girl had managed to end in the middle of the road was worried about her being hit by a car. Eventually she came in, thankfully having not been shot by a vicious gun toting gang. I asked her what would have happened if it had got out of hand. Simple, apparently, she would have come back inside. Not that this would have, possibly, indicated where she lived. Apparently that was alright, because I was inside should anything have happened. Oh yeah, me big brave man.


Ginger woman would never need any help from a feeble man!

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