Duvet day
Emma and I get things done in different ways. Emma has a list written on a small bit of paper which is usually a stream of consciousness; everything she can think that needs to be done for the rest of time. There's also a second list that isn't written down, a series of observations; 'the bird bath will need moving in March', 'that crack needs some pollyfilla', 'the cat could do with a harness for when it jumps on the table'. These jobs are either started in favour of the written down lists or not started at all and serve only to clutter and lengthen the to do list which increases stress levels.
On Saturday night, whilst I dropped my mum and dad off at the airport, Millie was in bed and she had a couple of hours of spare time to kill, so she built a bedroom wardrobe in the living room. She seemed surprised, on a Saturday night which is usually reserved for seeing friends, watching films or eating takeaway, that I wasn't awash with enthusiasm to find a six foot wooden cabinet sitting in the middle of the living room floor.
This list-focussed thing comes from her mum who obsesses with two things; 'jobs' and 'sorting'. She also has lists; they all start with "bed, breakfast, bath..." as if she'll forget. If your life is a list, there's not much time left to do anything else. I'm sure this is some sort of self-validating process; if you have things to do then you are useful and valuable; therefore you are good.
I am more goal oriented; I prefer to set a small number of objectives which we both know about and can be arranged around the real purpose of the weekend; socialising and rest. Emma will rest once the list is complete. But because there's always more things to add, the list is never complete.
Quite often Emma will ask me to do something from the list; or the second list, or the magic third list (this is a list of quickly dreamt up activities that are assigned when she has something to do and I have nothing). 'You've got nothing to do? Can you, um, start a giraffe sanctuary in the garden?'.
Because of Emma's constantly replenishing lists she is not good at resting. She feels guilty about doing nothing. We are taught that doing nothing is bad and wrong, so it's very easy to spend all your time flitting from one chore to another. Today I've booked off a day to do nothing. Although there is temptation to plan something, I've been resistant; I will wait until something takes my fancy and do it. If I sit in bed all day, so be it.
I don't think I've ever taken a day that has been so precisely set aside to do nothing. 'Don't you feel guilty doing nothing' said my club promoting, hill walking, eco-warrior colleague. I explained that typically our day starts between 4am and 6am when Millie wakes up for a feed, I go to the gym at 6.30am or dress Millie, go to work at 7.45am get back at 6.15pm, put Millie to bed at 7pm, eat, tidy, wash bottles, prepare for the next day, settle down about 8.30pm go to bed about 11pm all in preparation for 4am the next morning. It's just one day, and I'll be back on the clock when Emma and Millie get back tonight, so nope, I'm not feeling guilty doing nothing.
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