Happy birthday mum (and our house)
It's my mum's birthday today, happy birthday mother. Selecting a card was an absolute bugger. They seem to divide into three very distinct types: -
The flower and gold embossing type: - this is the kind of card your granny absolutely loves. A dainty flower painted in simpering watercolours, with a gold embossed Happy Birthday in curly wurly writing. This is fine for the pre-war granny who appreciates dainty pretties, manly men who look after them, and cups of tea from china cups. This is not for the altogether more modern granny my mum is. My mum's a career granny, a fleecy jackets granny, a 'doesn't need driving gloves' granny. She drinks tea from a mug, she wouldn't appreciate such pithyness.
The ones about alcohol: - an overwhelming majority of cards are all about going out and getting pissed. Mum's, you hope, don't get drunk and they certainly don't desire to get drunk. They stay demure and caring, not loud and leery. If a mum does get drunk, she should be like a bad amateur dramatics actor, slurring slightly and feeling a little dizzy, but no more.
The ones about sex: - no, not my mum, no.
She got a Bob The Builder card with a badge attached, though it'll probably get to her tomorrow.
We've also been on the property ladder for exactly four years. It's amazing how much DIY damage you can do in that time.
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